I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
