Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
