using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
