its not stalking. its research.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
