What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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