Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
