1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
