John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
