And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
