thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
