Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
