I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
