Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
