eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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