I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
