I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
