No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
