Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
