i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
