Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We left an ass print on the piano.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
