I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
