It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
