i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
