oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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