So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
