Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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