I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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