My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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