u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Buhtt sex?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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