Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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