How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
