she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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