There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize