He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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