Kiss
Puke
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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