There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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