OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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