We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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