Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
