My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
