Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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