Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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