i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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