Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
