He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
