also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
