o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize