you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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