I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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