is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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