Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
