Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
