I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
