True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
