I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
