Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
