Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
