Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
