What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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