god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
