Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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