So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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