your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
