Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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