If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
