Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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