I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
