I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
