All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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