booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
