I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
